Date with culture

These tables are a little small don’t you think? And we probably should have gotten one away from the window. More in the shade.

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My face? I’m making a? Oh, the chair hurts my back a little.

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Really? You thought I was . . . ? No, I’m definitely not sulking. Thought I was being like who . . . ? Your father! What’s he like?

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No! I’m not like that, I promise. I’d never be like that. I’m totally fine about it! I’m glad we changed the subject. I want to enjoy myself.
Huh . . . ? Oh, I am enjoying myself. I didn’t mean

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My jaw? Well, it’s healing up, only one tooth had to come out. They think they’ll salvage the other two on that side—and they didn’t have to use wire in the jawbone like they thought they might, so that’s good.

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No, it’s fine! It doesn’t really hurt anymore. Except for when I chew a lot, or bite something hard or chewy. What really sucks is that my ear hurts all the time now. Especially when I’m trying to sleep, that sucks big time. Doctor says it’s from the swelling, fluid in the Eustachian or whatever. Causes like a vacuum around the eardrum? I don’t know, all I know is it hurts . . . Which one?

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No, it’s not really that bad. It looks way worse than it is. I mean, all the purple around my eyes and the huge scabs on my cheek, especially this huge yellow/brown part right here—it’s hideous looking, right? No, I’m serious. I see myself in the mirror and I scream every time! No, but honestly, it feels way better now. To look at it you’d think it was horrible, though, right? All the women at work wanted to go and castrate those guys. I seriously had to stop them from doing it.

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Oh, please don’t feel that way, there’s nothing for you to feel bad about. It wasn’t like . . . No! It totally wasn’t your

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My back? Oh, I don’t know. Hurts still. Still bad I guess

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My doctor? She just said it’ll take the kidney a little time to heal, and the spine thing was only two fractured vertebrae—thank god—and so she said the vertebrae would just, like, knit back together on their own in the next eight weeks or so. I just have to wear this brace for a while and take it easy. Makes me look like a furniture mover, right? You have such a cute smile . . . And I have to drink this nasty-tasting gelatin shit every morning

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I don’t know, for the bones, so they heal better. After that I’ll have to do some rehab, I guess. She said I also have some tissue damage in my hip-flexors, whatever that means. They said ten years ago I would have been in a whole body cast—you know broken back, shit

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Huh?

Oh, I don’t know, I guess they just treat it differently now. Take it easy, should heal itself, not as big of a deal as they used to think. They used to think it was the end of the world

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Which . . . my ribs? Well, she said they should just stitch themselves up pretty quickly, too. I guess I don’t need anything special for that—I mainly only have small fractures and torn cartilage, there were only two ribs that were really, like, broken completely. But one stayed lined up so it should heal correctly. She said I still might have to get surgery later on the other one because it shattered more and if all of the pieces don’t get reabsorbed they might have to do something about it. I really don’t understand that one. But it’s not likely anyway. I just have to wrap my ribs and chest every morning, not a big deal. It hurts when I cough, though. Or move too quickly. Washing my hair is a bitch, but that’s more from the torn ligament in my shoulder. Actually, my shoulder might be the most painful thing out of everything. Any time I lift my arm, like, past here, it’s just the most excruciating pain—shoots right through my whole body like somebody just stabbed me

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Yeah

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But she said I was lucky my clavicle didn’t break. I just have some hairline fractures in it. That could have been a bad one, she said, because when the clavicle breaks it can puncture your lung. So I was lucky there.

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I know! When they brought me into the ER the doctor thought I’d been in a huge car accident!
Yeah, she goes, “Were you driving or were you a passenger?” I was like, “When?”
Wow, look at the way the sunlight is making a rainbow through your water glass

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Yeah, pretty

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Yeah, no, my eye’s fine

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I know! I know, it looks gruesome, right? With all the blood in the white like that? And the swelling! I know! My mother cried when she saw me the first time. She couldn’t believe human beings could be so savage, she said. She kept saying that over and over. “How could human beings be so savage?”

Huh?

Oh they were afraid I’d lose some eyesight in it or some muscle control but everything’s fine, I guess. The eye doctor said I got lucky. Steal-toe to the eye like that, should have done more damage than it did. I should’ve at least had a detached retina. Got really lucky

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Pay for it? Oh, I don’t know. I guess my lawyer’s going to try and bring a claim against the fraternity first, then the university. God, look at this knife, it’s filthy. I’ll have to get a new one when she comes back.

Huh?

I’m making a face? Oh! I’m not so sure about this beer. I was just giving it a good taste.
Which? I got the India Pale Ale. I should have gotten the Hefeweizen, I think. This one’s a little too hoppy. And the citrus tones are a bit much

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Am I angry? About what? No! Not with you, no. No way! It was just a crazy night. Things got out of hand . . . How’s the pear cider?

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Say what I’m? Oh. Oh, I am saying what I’m thinking.

No, for real, I am!

Really? Earlier? You mean what I started saying earlier earlier?

But you wanted me to stop.

But now you want me to . . . Well. Okay. Yeah, good. Okay. Let me just put it this way. A different way. I just think . . . I mean, you’re really great and you seem really smart and friendly and I love Anthropology majors, and I’m thrilled that we’re finally getting to spend some time together . . . especially after the debacle at the party

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I know . . . no, there’s totally no need, we don’t have to waste our time on that, I really understand, he was drunk and I was maybe talking a little bit too much and I didn’t really fit in there in the first place and all his fraternity brothers were drunk too

. . .

yeah, water under the

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No, totally, you’re right. But you had nothing to do with it, remember that. I mean, it’s not your fault your ex-boyfriend is a totally macho, like, roid-rage repressed-homosexual psycho, right? How could you have known?

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No, not a repressed . . . I know! I was just kidding! All I was trying to say earlier is that I just think you should be able to talk to me. Like we started to that night at the party. I think. I mean, don’t you think? You know . . . Can’t we have an interesting conversation like that?

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No! Not at all! No, I’m totally not saying you’re not being interesting, sorry, I really didn’t mean that, I guess it sounded like that. I just mean we could bare ourselves a little bit, like we started to at the party. We’re adults, right? We can handle it . . . especially after the other night, right . . . ? Huh?

Good. Because it’s so important. There’s no reason to be uncomfortable with it, right? By the way, that purse—you had it at the party—did you get it at the Goodwill or was it your mother’s?

$2.50!

Yeah, I know, it is. It’s great. I know, so much character! And good quality, too. They don’t make them like . . .

Totally . . . Hey, I just had a thought. You mind if I just talk, like, off the top of my head? Yeah? It’s just. I mean, I was just thinking you probably should be uncomfortable . . .
Oh no, there’s that face, again. I’m sorry. Do you want some bread? There’s two kinds of butter here. They’re kind of melting in the sun though . . .

Why do I keep doing what?

Well. Well, just because. Let’s be honest, okay? With each other? With the bread? Oh, I like this one—it’s the garlic butter, I think it’s better. That piece looks a little burnt why don’t you try . . . yeah that looks like a good one . . .

Because I don’t know you. I mean, really. I’ll admit that. But I’m pretty sure you have your own private reasons to be uncomfortable, okay? There. That’s all. What I wanted to say. What I was thinking. Kind of like what we were saying at the party.

Why? I mean, because it’s just obvious. It’s obvious from your face, anyway, and your ex-boyfriend. I mean, okay. Why? Okay. Okay, just let me think for a second about how to put this . . . Huh?

No, I just hurt my jaw biting on something . . .

Oh, how’s my . . . Oh, it’s okay. I don’t much care for sprouts. But the pine nuts are good. I think they toasted them. Lots of sprouts though. And too much iceberg in the lettuce mix . . . I was really just talking about what most people are like. I think. I mean most people nowadays, almost everybody . . .

Well, because, aren’t you like most people . . . ?

How are most . . . ? Well. What I mean is, everybody has at least one thing, don’t they?

Do you mean . . . Oh, what do I mean? Want another piece of bread?

I mean, often times. Don’t you feel a little anxious, for example? You’ve got some Gorgonzola there. Your cheek. No, left. I mean, sorry, my left. A little further. Got it! God, you’ve got a cute little dimple there, I didn’t notice that before . . . From your father? Good genes.
Anyway, don’t you feel—like fairly often—some kind of anxiety? That’s my first question . . .

You don’t want to talk about? . . . Oh.

Okay, I’m sorry, I understand. It’s probably a little out of bounds. There I go again, right? I really have some kind of brain damage or something.

Seriously! I’m always spouting the wrong shit at the wrong time. Maybe it’s from taking too many fraternity boots to the head!

I’m joking! I swear, I have no social what do you call it. Social Intelligence? That’s why I always do that. I’m seriously missing some part of my brain, I think. Makes you uncomfortable, right? Our first date, nice restaurant . . . Midwestern girl like you. I just thought you being an Anthro major . . . you might . . . I’m sorry, I just wanted to acknowledge . . .

Yeah, you’re right. Shouldn’t have called it a date. I just meant just our first time, like, hanging out.

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Yeah. Change the subject, right? That bandanna’s a really great color for you, for your eyes, I wanted to say. No, I’m totally serious, it looks great! I love bandannas. And your eyes are really pretty. No, I mean it. You have super beautiful eyes.

Did you see that thing about the woman on TV? No, the one in Texas. No, Houston! Yeah, fuck. The one that lost her daughter in Mexico. Shit, I know. Did you get that email? The one with her picture in it. Yeah, like right after the press conference. I know! It just, like, hits you in the gut, right? Oh, awesome, here’s our food. Wow, your tempeh looks good. Thanks, that looks great! No, I think we’re fine for now! Thanks!
This? I ordered the Portobello sandwich . . . Well I’m not really sure. I think they marinate it—like in soy sauce—and then just grill it. Is that right?

Yeah, sounds good . . . Remember what? Oh yeah.

I’m sorry, excuse me, before you go away . . . Can I get a new knife? This one’s a little . . . Thanks! Oh, no need! I mean, you don’t wash the dishes, right? Not your fault, you have enough to worry about! Thanks!

Can you pass me the salt and pepper again . . . ? Thanks.

Yahoo News had a whole slide show on that Houston lady at the press conference and then after it. Her and her three other kids at the podium and then all of them crying and hugging afterward. I know, yeah, you should check it out. Horrible. Really sad. God that has to suck. I mean, like, your own daughter. I think they’re going to be on 60 minutes tomorrow

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Um, I think you just go to Yahoo News, like right on the front page, and just click the slideshow. Seriously, you should. It’s terrible. I feel so bad for her.

This is good coleslaw, want to try it?

Hmmm? I did? I do that, sorry. People say I do that lately. Drift off. I think it’s the pain meds. I try to moderate them, but if I stop taking them, like, everything hurts, so . . .